Plush Love

Peaking round the door to spy/quietly check up on The Boy without him seeing me (a handy skill to cultivate as a nosey/caring parent) I observe him having just woken up, all rumpled and tousled, sitting up in his bed. He is chatting to his beloved Teddy. He is gazing at Teddy's face and tenderly kisses the fluffy face. Deciding he hasn't quite got the spot just right he kisses Teddy's mouth again, this time on target and with gusto. Then he plays with the bear's arms. They are a bit worn and flat after all the tugging and being hauled around with The Boy but still both in one piece. (Note to Mama: I need to darn the one arm as the bear's shoulder has come a tad unstitched and I need to avoid psychological trauma should the arm pull loose and all his stuffing gushes out.)

Playing with Teddy's arms, flapping them at his sides The Boy demands gently of the bear "Teddy, give me a hug!" and he helps Teddy to wrap his arms round the Boy's waist. Bear and Boy are locked in an embrace so sweet to witness.

And I thought The Husband and I must be doing something right. Children mimic what they see, particularly at home. We are an affectionate family, we have no trouble bestowing kisses upon each other. Its like Heaven to receive a spontaneous hug from each other. The Darling Husband & I are often found sharing a kiss and a cuddle, strangely in the kitchen most times, and when discovered by the Boy he usually pushes his way between us and laughingly says "My turn! My turn!". We pick him up and I give him a kiss, he then kisses Dada and then makes Mama and Dada kiss each other again and then we all share a group hug. Precious times.

While being in a previous romantic relationship I remember the moment realizing that it wouldn't work. The chap's parent's had divorced when he was young and in general were just not affectionate people at all. The result was that my partner found it irritating that I wanted to hug him so often. I ended up almost craving affection and resenting him for not being able to give it to me. It was so frustrating!

I started reading The 5 Love Languages and discovered that while we can all exhibit different types of affection most of us have a a dominant(home) love language.

For a quick summary, the five love languages are:

1. Physical touch (hugs & kisses, pats on the back etc)

2. Words of affirmation (encouraging each other, telling them how beautiful/handsome they look, etc)

3. Receiving of gifts (as materialistic as that sound surprising each other with little gifts is great.) 

4. Spending quality time with your partner and family (making time for a special family night in, playing games, undivided attention etc.)

5. Acts of service, it can even be doing a chore that the other one doesn't feel like doing ie taking the trash out. I like that one)

You may have guessed that the relationship did not last (no, really?). However I did learn what I needed from my future partner in life - a man with the same primary love language as I had: physical touch. It was something I prayed for: a man that could make me laugh, that had no trouble socializing with my friends and family and that loved to love me. And let me love him. Admittedly we don't always feel like loving each other or even liking each other some times, but thats par for the course of marriage I guess. Lets get real, sometimes we feel like giving the other one a fat klap.

But for most of the time the Grizwolds are a happy bunch of bananas.

I am so pleased that The Boy is able to express his affection and love in a healthy way. Children need so much love and good doses of healthy touch. Because a lack of it can almost have an emotionally crippling effect on the child in later life. I'm not saying thats the rule but it stands to reason that if a child is taught and shown love and affection (BIG emphasis on healthy love and affection) in early life that that is what he will be imprinted with. (Yes, I watch Twilight. Have even found time to read the books, how did that happen?).

And yes, its all very well to tell a child he is loved and to be comfortable in the belief that he knows he is loved, but especially at this young age, personally, I think its crucial that children need that physical love, a cuddle, a hug, a kiss on a skinned knee. Isn't it amazing that a Momma's kiss CAN actually make things better? I am always amused when Luke is wailing about a bumped head or a stubbed toe and the minute I kiss it better he is fine and carries on with his business. Literally "Oooh, aaaah, eina, aaaah, ouch *kiss* thanks Mommy".

Because, at this age they believe that we can make it all better, we will protect them and that they are safe with us.

So it breaks my heart to hear of abuse cases (just even as recent as while I was writing this post) of people closest to a child, relatives, that have abused that trust and do things to children that they should not even hear about let alone experience. Thats if they make it out alive. Sadly this recent case didn't. Most days I try leaving the radio and its depressing news broadcasts switched off. Hence my complete lack of up-to-date world knowledge. The only updates I follow these days are on Facebook. I admit it. My name is Judy and I am a Facebook junkie. Look, I can get by without it but I like to know what y'all are up to!

Anyway.

Love and affection and approval is what we all need. The world would be a happier, healthier place if these things were given freely. While I may not be able to heal this hugely troubled world I can make sure that the people who make up my world know that they are loved and thats its ok to show that love in an appropriate manner.

In 15 years time my teenage son might try shrug me away and roll his blue eyes and groan "Ma, thats so uncool!". But hopefully he will be strong enough and confident enough in himself to grace his ol' Mama with a gigantic bear hug, even in front of his snickering mates.

Or I just might have to haul out Teddy and ask him for a furry hug myself.