Flip-flop. Flip-flop.
The sound of my uterus at the sight of Jazzy's new baby. Or at least thats what I thought it would do. Thankfully luckily I kept it together and managed to calmly ooh and aaah over this precious little new bundle that we get to enjoy, while gently but quickly handing her back to her mommy for the nasty bits, think butternut poo all the way up the back, interrupted sleep and sterilizing bottles. Not to mention teething fevers and possets of curdled milk, sore nipples and super unsexy feeding bras.
(And Roz, the poo does not smell like KFC. The Darling Husband otherwise aka Supreme Lover of Fried Chicken would have had a horror attack on the spot if he'd had privvy to hear that amusing comment.)
The Problem: I have been very broody of late, nearly aching at the sight of a new baby and even feeling twinges of jealousy whenever another Facebook friend announces her happy news. I am very happy for you gals. Really.
Its just that I am in a dilemma that has found me increasingly wondering if we should have another baby or not. And its confusing me.
I want that sweet baby skin against my cheek, that fluff that passes for hair tickling my nose and those wrinkly little fingers encircling my own. I long to have that little rosebud mouth find my boob and greedily latch on while making those sweet snuffling noises, and help relieve the winds with a healthy burp over my shoulder.
To find that first smile directed at me, to hold my face close enough for exploring little hands to touch. To blow raspberries on a fat tummy and hear the shriek of enjoyment.
I even felt that maybe there was a little part of our family still missing.
And of course, the questions always follow.
"So when is number 2 on the way??"
Do I not look frazzled enough??
And as The Boy get older, yes, you were right, it does seem to get a little easier. I'm enjoying getting a bit of my freedom back in the sense that a toddler can do more for himself, can feed himself, can eat the same food we eat (even if it needs to be cut into a million pieces), can watch a movie on his own and let mama do some of the exciting things she needs to do, like cleaning floors and toilets, without interruptions every 2 minutes. They get to be even more fun to be with, you can take them on outings and they can actually appreciate where they are. I love watching The Boy's eyes light up when I tell him I'm taking him to the beach. Or that we're going to Ouma and Oupa. Or that we're having fish and chips for supper. We are starting to understand each other more easily.
And to start that all over again...wow.
Its a double-edged sword isn't it? Children are hard work, let no-one mislead you about that fact. And whilst I love being a mama and would never want it any other way, we kinda lose a part of ourselves while nurturing another human being in nearly every aspect of their young life.
Of course we add to who we are too, but the decision to have children goes hand in hand with sacrificing part of who we were. Or are. And I don't mean late nights out or lazy Sunday lie-ins. Hell bells, I still have late nights and early mornings. Its just that, when they happen, they usually involve strawberry-flavoured paracetamol syrup and aching little ears sharing my pillow.
(Forget the lie-ins *sniff)
Sleeping with your child sounds lovely but as any parent knows, it isn't always all that comfortable. Craning my head away from a little face in the hope of not breathing on him and waking him up does not make for a comfy night's sleep. Lets not forget trying to sleep on a ruler's length of your own mattress and trying to avoid landing your ass on the cold floor. It has happened. Luckily for me the dog was there to break my fall. Not so lucky for the dog.
But I think I'm digressing.
To Have Another Baby. Or Not.
A couple of my friends have all shared with me some of their opinions and insights, some of them come from big families, some are only children, some have only one child, some a few more than that.
1. Your children will have each other to entertain rather than whining to mom and dad that "I'm bo-ored...". I'm guessing "entertainment" can also come in the form of the one egging the other one on to do some form of mischief that will result in the sprouting of yet more grey hairs on this mama's head. But, yes, I hear you, good idea, takes the pressure off me.
2. Having a sibling will teach them how to share and be considerate with others.
Till that golden moment happens I guess I should endure the constant bickering of "Give it back! Its mine! Stop touching me! Thats mine!" etc etc. It can also result in teaching them that Life is not always fair, that your brother that you just gave your beloved cricket bat to because he whined, like, forever, just turned around and whacked you in the back of your head with it, laughed and ran away. Happy days.
3. They will be best friends. When it suits them. And if they don't kill each other. I have a sister, I know how it works. I remember a friend telling her fighting kids to go outside if they wanted to kill each other as she didn't want blood on her carpet. Cool as a cucumber.
They will even be in cahoots and form gangs with each other and share the cricket bat to whack any other unsuspecting sibling. At the end of the day, in a mood of dumbfounding comraderie, they will all most likely be jostling at the bathroom mirror comparing the eggs on their heads and arguing which ones bigger and whom of them swings the hardest. And how many more grey hairs Mom has sprouted.
4. They will have a sense of family at special occasions like birthdays and Christmas, especially later in life. That was a good one, got to me, it did. Who wants your child to be lonely? They can also share any burdens that Life may throw at them, like why Mom and Pop didn't have Rockafeller as a surname or the decision on which nursing home to put us in. They will share a past and provide support for the future.
5. Learning Life lessons will help them develop social skills. All that arguing with each other must have some positive effect somewhere down the line. Hopefully it will eventually teach them how to interact with others and control their emotions in a healthy way, tackle an argument in a fair and reasonable manner while being compassionate and understanding to each other. Hopefully without the urge to whack someone upside the head with a cricket bat.
And these, and others, are all very valid points. I would very much like the Boy to have a brother or sister.
So many of my single-child mama friends, when we get together, cautiously, sometimes even defensively, ask each other " Are you thinking of having another one?" as if each one of us are the only ones who are being careful about this decision. And sadly, most of the time, this decision is being based on the last few years and the shitty economic pit the world has found itself dumped into.
Lets face it. Babies cost nothing to make (the natural way, ahem) but they sure as darn it start to cost a few pennies when they decide to slip out into the world. And while I have no problem dishing out bucks on nappies and creche fees, they are still expenses I need to factor into my ever dwindling budget. To double those costs make me want to run howling up the mountain. (Yes, ok, maybe The Boy will be out of nappies by the time #2 arrives and I will only have one set of nappies to buy. The way potty training is going in our household I'm not so sure at the moment).
"If you wait for the right time that you find yourself with enough money for another child, you will wait forever." Many people have told us this. And I do agree. Its the same when getting married. You will never have enough so just do it.
Yes. Well. Alright.
But are we not maybe being a tad irresponsible? Or selfish. I suppose the debate can go both ways. I can use that to argue either side.
Irresponsible and selfish towards the single child for not providing siblings and sense of family.
vs
Irresponsible and selfish towards multiple offspring for not being able to provide enough for decent schooling or helpful extra mural activities all designed to enrich and give our children a better head start in life. Which ultimately we all want to give our kids.
While trying not to dwell on the state of my bank account, I am also gratefully aware that we are managing to climb out of the pit, even though it feels agonizingly and frustratingly slowly. And our situation can look very different next year. We could even go all Brangelina and adopt 20 kids and The Darling Husband could have his own rugby team.
Possible. But not likely. The 20 kids scenario, I mean.
So. Who knows what will happen.
Each path has its own pros and cons.
All I know is that I want to give The Boy everything I can to enrich his life and make it as full of love and happiness as I can.
Does this wish include a baby brother or sister?
Only God Himself knows.
Watch this space.
