Cause and Consequence - (Not an Edwardian fairy tale)

Going through Facebook this morning I was offered this article to read with the headline "Mom sentenced For Spanking 2 year old". My first reaction besides rolling my eyes was "Puh-leeze. These Yanks are going over the top, a good hiding never hurt anyone."
That statement in itself is an oxymoron you might say. Yes, the whole point of a hiding is to remind the errant party that behaviour displayed 5 seconds earlier was and is, unacceptable. This lesson is reinforced with a certain measure of discomfort to make it stick and hopefully be stored in young brain cells for future reference when said young brain is considering sticking his finger in a plug socket. Again.


A hiding can serve 2 purposes: 1) it can be a reminder that to continue in the misguided behaviour will result in punishment and 2) be punishment itself.
Cause and consequence, every action will result in a reaction, this is the life lesson most parents wish to teach their kids, right? While I believe its a parent's responsibilty to ensure that their child gets the right amount of guidance and discipline to function normally in a "normal" society I am keenly aware that discipline and punishment can be taken too far.


After quickly skipping through my friends' updates and checking for any cute baby pics I scrolled back up to the article and read the whole thing.
Turns out Mom in Law reported Mom to the authorities after noticing red marks on the child's bum. (Imagine the love in that family right now...) I'm still shaking my head and muttering "OTT Yanks..." Then I read a bit further and see that Mom has already had her other 2 kids removed from her care. Hmmm. Maybe something's up there. Mom has been sentenced to take parenting courses and is working to get custody back of her children. Well, good for her.


But when does "a good hiding" cross the line between discipline and abuse?

According to the Texas Attorney General website, there are a few guidelines that help a parent determine if their discipline is abusive or not. Here’s what they say:

Striking a child above the waist is more likely to be considered abusive; disciplinary spanking is usually confined to the buttocks.

Spanking with the bare, open hand is least likely to be abusive; the use of an instrument is cause for concern. Belts and hair brushes are accepted by many as legitimate disciplinary “tools,” and their use is not likely to be considered abusive, as long as injury does not occur. Electrical or phone cords, boards, yardsticks, ropes, shoes, and wires are likely to be considered instruments of abuse.

It is best not to hit a child in anger. Abusive punishment is most likely to occur when the parent is out of control.

Finally, and most important, punishment is abusive if it causes injury. A blow that causes a red mark that fades in an hour is not likely to be judged abusive. On the other hand, a blow that leaves a bruise, welt, or swelling, or requires medical attention, probably would be judged abusive.

One of my clearest childhood memories (I must have been about 4 or 5) was of my Dad dishing out some "corrective action".
Now anyone who has the privilege of knowing my Dad will probably only know him as the gentle, quiet, laid back Oupa that he is. While he enjoys a good chat, you will more than likely find him quietly listening to the conversation going on around him and making the odd remark if the discussion requires him to make a contribution.

Back to the memory. My Ouma, his mom, was living with us at the time and my sister and I shared a room. I still remember the lemon yellow bed spreads and dodgy wallpaper. (Which would be considered uber retro and super-cool today, I suppose). We were being obnoxious and pesky by running and knocking on my ouma's closed door. Then we'd bolt back to our room, chortle about how we'd irritated her, and promptly go do it again. Oh, what fun.

My father was busy doing dad stuff in the nearby vicinity and was alerted to our mischief when he overheard his ma bitterly complaining and berating us for our exasperating childish ways. After several warnings and predictions of doom if we persisted in aggravating Ouma just once more, and us foolishly ignoring his warnings, my Dad finally snapped.

Now while I don't particularly remember his face or what he said while he unleashed his wrath, I do remember the furry green slipper he grabbed to whack across our legs a good couple of times.

A tale of horror and woe? Hardly. While some may argue and say "Clearly this incidence of violence has imprinted itself on you and obviously scarred you for life!" I think I disagree. We were naughty, (as children are), we were warned, we disregarded, we were punished. End of story.
Lesson learnt: Listen to Dad when he talks. Unless you want your ass whacked into next Wednesday.
And we didn't do it again. An instance where talking and talking and talking did no good and a klap got the message through.


I still advocate trying to explain and reason with one's child before smacking but sometimes the situation calls for a stronger tack. My child stepping off the curb into the road before I am able to gather his bags and lock the car and grab his hand will earn him a physical reprimand. Because I have admonished him How Many Times?


I smack because I care. Does that make sense? Someday he will understand. Probably when his own son is about to give him grey hairs with his own heart stopping antics. Here's hoping :)