Ungrateful B*tch

I have wanted to write this post for some time, its just been difficult to face up to my own selfishness and pathetic insecurities.


My Darling Husband has encouraged me to wear more dresses and even shorter ones if I'm feeling particularly daring. Now, I must have English blood in me somewhere as my legs are lily white, always have been and sadly always will be. My knees, in my opinion, are pudgy. I need to shave most days to avoid resembling Sasquatch. I don't like my legs and I don't think they come close to contributing to any of my "alluring ways", ha ha, which I feel are dwindling faster than the packet of Jelly Tots beside my keyboard.
But to The Darling Husband my legs are just fine, he gets excited just seeing them as he very rarely gets to see them unclad by my staple jeans.


I think we (meaning I) too often complain about "problems" that others would love to have.
For example:
Little Ungrateful Me (LUM): My legs are ugly, too white/hairy/pudgy/whatever.
Little Think-Again Me (LTAM): At least your legs work, at least you have legs! Go take a look at Natalie Du Toit and get inspired, you little twit. Google the victims of Angolan land-mines, geez.


LUM: I have so many crow's feet, am looking so old, bah!
LTAM: Consider them laugh lines, you have so much laughter and joy in your life that its etched into your face. Be happy.


LUM: My house is so old and crumbling, it needs a whole new makeover.
LTAM: Be grateful you still have a roof over your head. Take a drive round the city at night and check out all the homeless people sleeping in doorways. And then go home and say a prayer of thanks while you snuggle under your clean sheets, with your head on a soft pillow in your comfy bed.


LUM: My bathroom is a dingy damp cave, I want to redo it all!
LTAM: You have hot water every evening and a private flushing toilet. Try crouching in the bush with Heaven-knows tickling your bum at night and no running water to wash your hands. Your bathroom's not so bad.


LUM: I need a good job with a great salary, why can't I get that? Its such a basic thing!
LTAM: Is it really? Then why are millions retrenched and unemployed. You have a job, it may not be all you need it to be but you will get back on your feet. Your have a good boss, your colleagues are like family. Stick with it. Stop moaning and get out there and do something if you aren't happy.


LUM: (on those PMS days) My husband is so lazy, he does NOTHING around here!
LTAM: You stupid cow. He works as hard as he can to provide for you and your child, he is a sterling father, he adores you (most of the time, not those times where you take the prize for Supreme Bitch). At least he isn't a chop who hits you or abuses your kid, or gambles or falls down drunk every night. Get a grip.


LUM: Why can't my child let me sleep in a little / leave me alone a little?? I need some me-time!
LTAM: There are mothers who would give the earth to have more time with their little ones, those mamas with sick children in hospital, those mamas who have lost their child and ache to hold them and tell them just one more time that they love them. Our children are not here forever, neither are we, don't take the time with them for granted. Now get up and go watch Teletubbies with him. Again.


This list can go on, and on, and on. I can be very ungrateful, I know. But more often than not my Think-Again voice reminds me that things can always be worse. Much worse. And that's when I say thank you to my God that he has blessed me with all that he has and everything that I have is more than sufficient.


My legs may not match up to Giselle Bundchen's but I bet her crow's feet don't come close to competing with mine. :)

Mama Jelly Belly

"So when is your baby due?"


A general question and one I loved to answer when I was pregnant.


But I'm not pregnant and people are still asking the question.


Looking at myself in the mirror I have to admit I have not been able to shift the baby weight quite as fast as I'd hoped to. Oh damn it, I wasn't ever terribly slim and shapely to begin with. I suppose "round" is a shape, isn't it? I used to joke that when I lay in bed my stomach lay next to me. It still does. *sigh*


My excuse: I am a busy mom who has no time to excercise. Oh, and I eat a lot of rubbish too. Thats The Darling Husband's fault too. He buys the stuff and if its in the house I have to eat it. It won't leave me alone. The little voices keep beckoning me to the pantry cupboard with promises of sweet snack satisfaction. Hmmpf.


Emerging from a clothing store disgruntled and in a sour mood I pass a lovely African lady sashaying across the parking area. She was a big girl with a wide waist and quite a few extra curves. But she looked great! She wore a short bright cheery summer dress with cool big sunglasses and was laughing and chatting with her friends. She had "it" and was certainly having a good time strutting it.


Now why am I so concerned with my size? If she can do it, why can't I?


And it made me think. To be attractive, we have to feel attractive. To feel attractive we have to be happy with how we look. To be happy with how we look we have to accept how we look. I am aware that, to a certain degree, this applies to what's within us too. And if we don't accept or like how we look, do something about it. 


Stop moaning.


I seem to do a lot of that. Moaning. When I actually have nothing to moan about. Not really. But thats another post.


So let me just finish this humungous bowl of pasta and I'll start reassessing my diet. 

Baby on Board

Is it only me or has anyone else wondered what the point is of those Baby on Board signs?
Its not like anyone chooses who they want to crash into or rear-end, right?

* in split second* - "Oh, who shall I crash into today? Ok, maybe not that car as they have children on board, maybe that other banged up car to my right is more suitable, ok lets aim in that direction..."

Or more likely its to warn the other road users that the driver is possibly distracted by trying to dig around in her handbag/baby bag to locate the dummy/juice/snack that the little person in the backseat is demanding, then half dislocating her shoulder to reach back and hand it to little outstretched hands not quite long enough to reach said object of desire.

I think its more the latter.
Thats just my opinion.

Life is too short to drink drek wine

So we went wine tasting. Now I can count on my 2 fingers on my one hand how many times I've gone on a wine tour. Quite sad considering I live close to one of the world's top wine producing regions.

I am no expert discerning wine connoisseur, I have been known to drop an ice cube into red wine and to near freeze my glass of white wine with half an iceberg of ice. I'm not too fussy but I know what I like and what I don't. No warm cat pee trying to pass itself off as a white wine, thanks.

We have a friend who is launching his own Cape wine lands tour package and wanted to use us as guinea pigs. Who am I to refuse?

So we pack ourselves into his newly branded minivan, including Luke's carseat, Poppie's pram and all our various cooler bags, baby bags and carry bags.
The weather is cool but nice to travel in. The van has aircon anyway and we look forward to a day travelling in style and comfort.

Wine tasting with toddlers is not for sissies. Travelling long distances (Fish Hoek to Stellenbosch is long in toddler-time) is also not for sissies. Eating out with toddlers is not for sissies. They do not/cannot sit still and be quiet for a period longer than 2 minutes. Unless they are asleep.
So we tasted the wine in shifts. If you have young children you will be familiar with this method of co-operation between partners. (Somehow I always seem to end up gobbling down my less than luke-warm meal after The Darling Husband has enjoyed his juicy sizzling steak while suggesting I take the first shift of child supervision. "Ok, dear, you watch him and then you can sit down and relax and enjoy your meal and I'll take over." Hmmf. By the time I can sit down we are just about ready to get out of the restaurant as quickly as possible as said toddler is at dangerous meltdown levels and in need of some time out, despite jumping on smelly jumping castles for ages. So I wolf down the cold congealing food and vow never to eat out again.)



Anyway. Our intrepid tour guide took us to some gorgeous estates, some commercial and some quite off the beaten track. I refer to Uva Mira, a vineyard high up on the Stellenbosch mountains with an awesome view. I'm assuming its awesome as we didn't quite get to see it as everything was shrouded and dripping with mist and fine rain. Higher up, the cloud swirled around a stunning majestic Tuscan villa which must have quite envious views. The wines were outstanding and were added to our wine collection. The young Afrikaans lady that was serving us and giving us the wine tasting was quite charming, even snapping photos of our group and declaring the pictures and our rampant offspring were "te cute en oulik, man".

We also discovered we'd left the pram at the previous farm and had to backtrack to collect it. The customers were in gales of laughter after Jacques staged a panic, ran into the tasting room, found the pram and asked "Where's the baby??". He is an entertainer.

We went to Delheim to taste their wonderful sweet wines and added their Spatzendreck to our growing collection. Its label won an award for worst label as it features a cheesy little bird crapping over a wine barrel. They have, however, kept the label for fun.

Next we wanted to visit Fairview, what better combination than good cheeses and wines? Boy, was that place packed! Too crowded and too busy. A 15 table waiting list was just too long to wait for an over-priced meal. So we decided to head into Paarl for some quick take-aways. Children, mostly mine, were starting to get tired and irritable and testing my patience by moaning all the way into Paarl and wearing off my wine buzz. Looking for a KFC proved to be disappointing as it was closed!!! After passing all the other junk food eateries we had to turn around and settle for MacDonalds.

I have never had such a good meal in a long time.

The group's mood just lifted after stuffing french fries into our mouths and filling our grumbling tummies. Amazing.

After briefly stopping off at our friends' own farm, The Darling Husband bought us all ice creams and we headed home, wine bottles merrily clinking in the boot.

A lovely outing, another notch on our parenting experience belts and more happy moments to remember.