Bad Mama

Last week I posted a status on my Facebook profile mentioning how ashamed I was for smacking my boy when I was tired and grumpy. I got quite a few comments, and none of them condemning me for my nasty behaviour. It seems I have boarded a rather full boat there. Been there, done that was the common consensus.


Last night I watched a CSI episode where an abusive mother meets a rather sticky end, bludgeoned by her terrified offspring. Extreme measures and a "justified homicide" as mentioned by one of the perfectly manicured CSIs, it made me want to go hug and cuddle my perfect little slumbering angel, and reassure him, and mostly myself, that I am not that mama! Those who know me and follow my FB statuses know how despairing I become after listening to news broadcasts that, all too often, inform us of horrific abuse against children.


But I do become tired, irritated and annoyed. I am human. Would it be right to put on a bright and smiley Stepford wife/mother face and just crumble and implode quietly while washing dishes? Would that be a realistic impression to present to my child? Would my child feel a failure one day for not being able to contain his feelings, like Mommy does? Am I teaching him to keep everything bottled up and suppressed?
As a parent I want to be an example of a real and, hopefully, normal(!) person, with real and normal reactions to certain situations. The world is not always peaches and cream. Its often crap. He will get tired, he will have deadlines to meet and the evening will be getting late and he just might, in a moment of weakness, smack his own un-cooperative child purely out of frustration.
Maybe then he will understand.


L, I can't promise to never give you a hiding ever again, or to express my displeasure in a nasty screech but I can guarantee you a lifetime of love and kisses and hugs. Even if its from an imperfect mama.